Dreaming Ghosts

I dreamt of you last night. I don't remember the whole dream, but all I remember is coming home to you.

Awake now in a train, watching the world whiz by, memories play like a home movie in my head. Memories of the boy who was my friend before anyone else wanted to be. The boy who saw me when no one else did.

When you first told me how you felt in a cold library room, using a calculator.

When you first asked me to be yours in a darkened ballroom on the dance floor.

When you snuck up on me as I walked home from college, listening to my music through the headphones.

When you photocopied your hand and mailed it to me, asking me to place my hand on the dark print - and how that meant we were holding hands.

When you ran down that hospital corridor looking for me as the doctor told me I had cancer.

When you held me on that hospital bed sobbing, terrified of the next day.

When your mum told me you cried when you got home that night.

When you looked at me with such hurt when I betrayed you.

When I lied to you, straight in your face.

We had something precious and beautiful and I broke it. I broke you. I may never forgive myself.

I have a new life now... a man who loves me and I adore, a family who depends on me. And yet I carry you around in a tiny little bag, hidden deep inside my heart. When night falls and darkness closes in, when I don't have the control to keep you hidden, you crawl into my dreams and remind me.