Pride comes before a fall. -thud-

I've changed. I used to be so confident in my job. I used to hold my head up high, knowing that I do what I do well.

I'm not that anymore. You know that feeling you get when you were in school, and you felt like everyone was talking about you? Well.. I haven't felt that way in a long time, and lately that's the way I've felt. It's not just the fact that I'm in a new job. It's not quite that new anymore, and I know how things work now, so it's not that I'm just unsure. It's more than that. I keep thinking that I'm not doing a good enough job. I keep feeling that people are murmuring behind my back that I'm slacking off.

It's hard, because around me, everyone's busy. When I offer to help, I get turned down.. and we have someone here who does everything, and is pretty possessive about her work, so there's nothing that I can take over to do. I don't know. Maybe it really is just that for a year, I've been the person who knows everything, who runs everything, who keeps things going. I guess for a whole year, I've been.. what's the word.. central to the company. And now, I'm just.. kind of on the outside looking in. Maybe I just need to get used to it. OR maybe, this is God telling me.. that this isn't the place for me.

I don't know. I know God's humbling me. I guess there was a point there I got quite cocky, and He's taking me down a peg or two. And I know that, Lord. Acknowledged. Really.

.. I made a difference there.. I did my job, and I think it did it well, given the circumstances. Although granted, I did stuff up quite a bit as well. I've made mistakes there, and I've learned from them. But.. I made a difference there. Maybe not such a huge difference.. but I was productive. And now.. I just feel like I'm floundering a little.

I'm 25.. and I hate to admit it.. but I still don't know what I really want, careerwise. And that a) scares me b)frustrates me c) depresses me.