It's funny when your heart changes. When it changes so subtly, so quietly, that you may just miss the change if you move too quickly.
As subtle as the brush of butterfly wings as it flies away from its silent perch on your shoulder.
Like the feel of the gears in a car shifting. You don't see it, or hear it, but you feel it.
It's funny when you realize that what I once considered home... isn't home anymore. This country, this city, this lifestyle.. this people... I used to embrace it with everything within me... and quietly, unobstrusively, almost.. sneakily... my heart has changed. My oyster now, is just a stop on my journey. My stop, to learn, to grow, to refill, to rechange, and then to move on.
I've stopped for 6 years now. 6 years living in this place, learning and loving the language, the people, the weather, the lifestyle and even the politics. Three weeks ago I believed that I would get married and have children here. But now the time has come to move on. Something moves me on. Something tells me it's time to pack up, and get back on the road. Nothing monumental happened to change my heart. Nothing happened to push me away. Nothing for me to run away from. Nevertheless, my heart has changed. Why and How... I don't know.
Where to? Homeward bound? Or somewhere else entirely?
I don't know... I do know that this hearth... isn't my home. It may keep me warm, but I will be moving on.
For now, though... this is where I stand... until He moves me on. Beautiful song my sister introduced me to years ago.. a song of decision... a song of crossroads.... a song of uncertainty... but most of all... a song of faith. Faith in the knowledge that He will move me on.
8 comments:
hey i miss your bloggin. how about moving on here? he he he...sounds like big decisions. will like to talk to you first before you make major moves. and will keep you bathe in prayer.also, will try to catch up with you soon. jie and crew are down this weekend at my place. I miss you and thanks for the surprise gift!
addie
hehehe.. i was wondering if you got it!
oh don't worry.. no major moves for a while yet :)
Heehee.. yeah, it's amazing how He manages to do that in our lives just when we think we've all settled in and stuff... then He tells us that all of this was just preparation for something better elsewhere, in His plan.
Just the past few years, it seemed like I was gonna stay here in Prague for a quite a while longer since things had been going well and it made sense that I'd further my education here. But after what's been happening with school, and the stuff He's taught me over the winter break, I'm not so sure anymore!
All we can do is keep on trusting Him. After all, the birds of the air don't sow or reap, and yet He takes care of 'em.. How much more His children, right?
Will keep prayin' for ya, Aggie!
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-hug Grannie-
it's exciting when you get to this stage and you feel as if your wings are fluttering and you are unfettered by home and car loans and family and day care and plants hahahah :P
it's very liberating knowing that you are free to follow God, to be able to pick up and go where God leads you without even worrying about how your rose bushes are doing :)
looking forward to spending time with adeline and her friends and family. looking more forward to getting home!
hahaha.... jie, you will never know how much your rose bushes stressed me out the week before I left!! Hahah. The fact that they were your wedding roses compounded it all!!
Drey still has the rose bushes from her wedding?
That's amazing.... the longest I can relate to something like that was keeping a goldfish alive for 11 months after our carnival thingie back in elementary...
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heeeheee. my sis still has part of her wedding cake in the freezer.
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